I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
