if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
