It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
