I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
