Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
