I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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