I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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