Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
