you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
