rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
