A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize