She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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