am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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