I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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