And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
