Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
