Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
