those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
