You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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