just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
