I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
