If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
