Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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