Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
