the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
