At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
