last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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