If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize