how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
