hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
