She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You ruined the universe
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize