her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
mondays should just be called national damage control day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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