I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
