1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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