just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize