I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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