Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
