are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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