We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
