god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
