My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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