is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
