I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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