after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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