So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
