Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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