i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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