Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
