Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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