You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
people are starting to question the shark bite story
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
