I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
