I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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