I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Floor bacon is actually really good
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
