I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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