She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
