I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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