cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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