i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
