there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
