I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize