i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dignity is for republicans.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
