So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
