in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
