Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
