Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize