y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
