sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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