saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize