Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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