I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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