Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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