Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
