Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
