i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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