If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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