I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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