well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
