i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
