It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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