Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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