The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
