Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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