I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
