i need an iv and a liver transplant
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BRING THE BAGELS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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