There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
