Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
