Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
