I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
