I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
