like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
