Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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