I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
