Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
