So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
