It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
