when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
