I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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