i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
