The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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