I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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