I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
