Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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