broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
