the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
